That Darkest Feeling
by MyDarkestDesire
Summary: Rin Okumura had been alone for as long as he could remember. He was tormented by those others couldn't see and scorned by all the beings called 'humans'. This is his story as he fights through his life, trying to find his 'place' in the world.
1. Prologue

Title- That Darkest Feeling

Character/s- Okumura Rin

Genre- Horror & Tragedy

Rating- T

Anime- Blue Exorcist (Ao no Exorcist)

Summary- Rin Okumura had been alone for as long as he could remember. He was tormented by those others couldn't see and scorned by all the beings called 'humans'. This is his story as he fights through his life, trying to find what he should do with his life and find his 'place' in the world.

Prologue

Small feet pattered across the wet pavement, fleeing from what others couldn't see as the heaven's poured their wrath upon the world. Lightning arched across the night sky, illuminating the fleeing child as he raced on. The boy's clothes only consisted of a white short sleeved shirt, soaked through and showing his prominent ribs jutting out of the thin shirt and a pair of worn black shorts. His hair was a tangled mess, only serving to get in his eyes and make the child stumble as he fled, stumbling and making him lose momentum. Scrapes and small scars littered the youth's body, darkening what was once creamy peach into sickly shades of purple, green and yellow.

The emaciated child collapsed in one of the many shadowed alleyways that he had scrambled and dashed through in order to escape any possible pursuers. He feebly dragged his body over into the shadow of a dumpster, completely masking his presence except for choked sobs emitted from his mouth. 'Why does it have to be this way? What did I do wrong… Am I really a demon,' the youth continued to cry, rocking back and forth in the consuming darkness of the alleyway, mentally questioning the words of others and their following actions.

_The boy had just gotten home from pre-school and he was rather proud of himself. He had managed not to get into any fights today! 'Father will be so proud of me!,' the youth thought excitedly as he walked happily next to his younger twin brother._

"_Nii-san? You look rather happy," commented the younger twin of the two. The elder simply smiled brightly the turned to his twin._

"_Yup, Yukio! I didn't get into a fight today so Father should be proud me," The elder exclaimed proudly while strutting like a peacock. This display caused Yukio to laugh at his elder till he clutched his sides from mirth._

"_Rin-nii-san? Are you going to show me that cool trick today," the younger asked curiously. The elder twin had been bragging to the younger for weeks about discovering a cool trick he could do. Whenever Yukio asked, the elder would smirk and say he had to be patient till he wanted to show him. Rin kept on claiming he wanted to 'perfect' the trick before showing Yukio and the priest they called Father._

_Rin adopted an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression before replying," Hmmm… I don't know… Are you ready for the awesomeness?" This promptly caused Yukio to sigh before pleading to his older brother with a pouting face. Rin only laughed at his younger twin then ruffled the other's hair with affection._

"_Yea, I think I'll show you and father today," he exclaimed with a bright smile as the twins raced home together to get to the church that the two labeled as home._

The youth in the alleyway, Rin Okumura as he was once called, shook his head of the happy memories from several months ago. He grimly recalled that after showing his Father the 'trick' he had discovered, everything had gone downhill. A few weeks before he showed his parental figure, he had discovered he could summon these strange yet beautiful blue flames if he concentrated hard. Rin, being the youth he was, didn't think anything was abnormal about this and decided to practice summoning the azure flames at will till he could almost do it unconsciously and make the size anyway he wanted.

After mastering the flames, he decided to wait for a day where he had done something to make his Father proud to show him his 'awesome trick' as well. The reactions he received when he showed his elder and younger twin were exactly the opposite of what he had hoped to receive in return. The priest's expression went at first from shock, then calculating, and it finally ended in a murderous rage. In the elder's rage, he yelled at Rin as the younger's eyes teared over. Rin looked to his younger brother hopefully but was devastated by what he saw. Yukio, his most precious twin, was staring at him with tears in his eyes like he was a devil incarnate!

What was left of his hope was crushed and he fled the church like the demons from hell were chasing him, seeking to bring him to eternal damnation. Ever since that day a few months ago, he had been alone. The strange creatures he could always remember seeing seemed to be bothering him more ever since he fled the church. Some of the more human ones would be a little kind to him and would give him a little bit of food, but they always called him Young Master, which he always found a little creepy.

Some of the 'demon's' were unusually cruel to him and others he had seen on the streets. These people were the ones he learned to avoid, but on nights like tonight, they always seemed to want to pick on him specifically. Rin knew it was high time he learned how to defend himself, but he didn't know how. The boy also knew he lacked proper schooling to survive out here for long, so he would have to find a solution to that 'little' problem too.

'All answers come with time,' Rin thought as he wiped any leftover tears from his face and stood up."I'm on my own now, so I gotta survive…," the youth softly commented on his situation. He had a hard road ahead of him so he might as well get moving.

Yay. First chapter of my first fanfic. I have no planned update schedule for this fic, so updates will be incredibly random, just like my motivation is. So, ja, treat the noob kindly 'cause I don't know how often I'll do this. Comments, questions, raving rants, and concerns shall be read via reviews co comment and I shall read. All suggestions are welcomed with wide arms but that doesn't mean they'll be used. So… Ja matta and see you whenever I post the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

It was late morning, the alarm clock on the night stand reading eight thirty AM in bloody red neon numbers for the world to see. It was silent for another five minutes until the alarm clock decided to announce the tune the owners guardian decided to program it to 'sing' the owner into a wakeful state. "_In the Navy! She can sail the Seven Seas! In the Navy! She could put your mind at ease! In the Na- , "the_ alarm clock dutifully did its job until the owners fist came down upon it with a resounding crunch. The form on the bed gave an irritated groan and rolled over with his face in the bed's pillows before finally deciding to 'rise and shine' and 'greet the new day' with an irritated snarl on his face.

Rin Okumura, resident adopted fifteen year-old and one hell of an 'angst muffin' as his adoptive guardian like to call him, was not your average angsty, 'get-the-fuck-away-from' teenager. Despite all normal appearances that was consisting of tangled, pitch black hair, azure eyes, 180 cm, and lightly tanned skin, this 'angst muffin' could summon shrouds of blue flames to his beck and call, see demons as they roamed and terrorized 'humans' on the streets, and sported a lengthy and slightly furry black tail to go along with his short, elf-like ears. Ruffling his hair as he shuffled foul temperedly down the stairs and towards the kitchen muttering curses at his guardian.

Upon reaching his destination, the first thing he did was cut off any introduction the 'parental figure' had to offer him and berate their choice of song for his alarm clock to wake him up with. "Good mor-," the woman who was fighting with the stove in an attempt to make scrambled eggs tried to greet, but was promptly interrupted. "What the _fuck _do you think you were doing when you put whatever the hell that song was on my alarm clock," Rin snarled at his elder as he took over the cooking from her, attempting to salvage the mess she was making of his breakfast. One Rin Okumura was not impressed with Lyra Mackentyre.

"Well, I thought you should have a change in song for your alarm clock and I had just watched _Down Periscope_ last night so… Yea, I decided use the ending song as your alarm clock wake up call," the elder woman muttered with her head slightly bowed. Rin snorted in disdain at her meek comment as he scraped the barely salvaged scramble eggs on to a plate.

"So you decided to use the song with an Indian in booty shorts, a gay construction worker, a biker decked in leather, wannabe cowboy, and a sailor as my 'reveille'," the teen commented with no lack of sarcasm. Lyra only laughed meekly while running one of her hands nervously through the back of her hair.

"It got you up didn't it," she pointed out to her charge. All that she received in reply was an exasperated eye roll. With this she turned and pointed at him with the spatula covered in what used to be eggs and commented," Hey. Don't be that way! Just think! You're getting away from me and into a new environment. All those new people to mentally shock and torment right? And for Gehenna's sake, put your tail away! Not only is it your weakness, it's unsightly! Also, don't forget to grab the sword latter. You know where it is."

"Yes ma'am," Rin replied sarcastically as he rummaged through the pantry and left with his war spoils of strawberry poptarts. The sword was always kept in a secret compartment in the china cabinet. One could get to it by simply pulling up the bottom of the cabinet, but that would require one to remove the hundreds of little collectables in the cabinet out of the way.

After the tedious progress of extracting the sword from the china cabinet and finishing the two poptarts in the process, he went back upstairs to his bedroom to collect his bags. He didn't really appreciate the fact that it was a boarding school, but you took what was given, right? Rin had been admitted to True Cross Academy due to his impressive grades in his school. Well… that is if he even showed up to school. He didn't necessarily need to go to school since he met Lyra. Due to her resources as a librarian, he always had a constant source of info to learn from. It didn't help that others his age tended to isolate him, causing to reach more for the companionship of the dry, whispering pages of books rather than the cruel prejudice of warmer company.

Examining his room, he quickly went about gathering anything he would need during the school year and packed it neatly and as air tightly as possible into a suitcase and a bookbag. Rin's room was generally bare. No poster slewn walls, extravagant or colorful paintings on the walls, desks piled chest high in randomly stacked papers and books, themed bedspreads or cloths strewn across the floor in a poor imitation of a jungle. No, his walls were bare except for the turquoise paint, his bedspread was a solid navy blue with matching sheets and pillow covers, the floor was clear of anything, the desk neatly organized with the papers in labeled folders, the books lined against the farthest side showing their titles broadly to the world, all the cables untangled and neatly out of sight behind the desk for his laptop and the only real decorations in the entire room were already packed into his suitcase, two hand crafted dream catchers that used to hang from the chords of the ceiling fan.

Double checking his luggage, Rin headed towards the small, 22"x30" closet and removes a panel of the floor to reveal his last school essential item, the demon slaying blade, Kurikara. He vaguely recalled how he had saved the blade from a trip to a garbage heap on one of his few "check-ups" on the church he used to live in. Later he discovered that the sheath held a rather nasty secret, namely the entirety of his demonic powers. Rin grabbed the blade from its hidden spot and went back to his bed, where the teenager had left his bookbag and suitcase. Quickly, he put is bookbag on his back, slung Kurikara in its transport bag over his shoulder and grabbed the handle of his rolling suitcase and headed out through the front door to catch a ride to the academy with one of his guardian's acquaintances.

Sitting on the curb with his luggage next to him, the teenager waited for the person who even his modest and eccentric guardian called "a bit _weird_." He definitely wasn't looking forward to the meeting. When he saw a light cotton candy pink limo pulled over right in front of him, Rin dreaded it even more. Out of the "car" came a strange looking man. To Rin, the elder was reminisce of a clown. "Oh my, what a sunny day! A beautiful, clear day to accompany you on a journey," the strange man exclaimed while tilting up his white top hat. Rin carefully examined the other, dully noting the elder was wearing what appeared to be a cape, breaches, knee high boots, and _pink_ stripped stockings then looked back to the limo.

"What's with the car and who are you," Rin asked with mild trepidation. The other simply smirked at the teenager as he smugly replied while completely ignoring Rin's questioning over his choice of car," I am Mephisto Pheles, but for where we are going I am known as Johann Faust V, the principle of True Cross Academy."

'_Just great,'_ Rin began thinking to himself as he gently massaged his forehead. '_More weird people to deal with my life and it's already overfull menagerie of bizarre things.'_ With a sigh, he stepped into the pink limo and was off to his 'adventure' at True Cross Academy.

*dangles chapter over readers' heads* Ooooo, lookie here! A fickle wittle chappie! _Ahem_, I finally did it. I updated. Yaaaaaay and all that fun stuff. The fact that I have been playing relative ping-pong and been stuck either without a laptop or no Internet for ages doesn't have aaaaaanything to do with why this is so late. Nooooo not at all. The random OC insert is not important and is completely irrelevant to the story plot besides just giving Rin shelter until he's old enough to attend the Academy. But if anybody is remotely curious, I can always edit it later and throw in a little flash back explain how they meet. That's only if you, the reviewers, say you want that to happen in your reviews.

Thanks to **Solntse** for being my buddy and making me update faster and to you, the reviewers, for the support. Feel free to give ideas of how you think this should go and I'll try to update sooner. Try, no promises. Now time to answer the few questions~

**Kari Suttle: **I think this chapter answers your question.

**12417: **In the beginning, Rin was around four or five, the age of all his childhood flash backs in the anime. Now, he's fifteen.

**Isthisparadise: **That's a good idea. I wasn't really planning on throwing Rin's lot with the humans but I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to throw this together.

**Ookami-242: **Yes this is actually the first story I've ever written. The only thing I've ever had to do with writing before were my English papers and I hate doing those…


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